Friday, May 11, 2012

Diabetes Tourettes

When Addison was first diagnosed, I developed a horrible case of what I like to call Diabetes Tourettes. Instead of opening my mouth and spilling out an uncontrollable stream of epithets and swear words, I would start spewing all things diabetes. A simple inquiry of "How have you been?" was answered with complicated information about Addison's diagnosis, what his blood sugar was at that moment, a bit about calculating insulin doses and maybe some carb counting. I couldn't help myself. Things just came out of my mouth. As time wore on and this whole diabetes thing became more of a "normal" part of our lives, my Diabetes Tourettes wore off. Now when people ask me "How have you been" I hardly ever mention diabetes.

Something happened though a couple of weeks ago and I still keep thinking about it. Mostly because I feel embarrassed. It was a return of the DT and even though I tried to stop myself,it forced its way out of my mouth. I had a parent meeting with a new group of families for the 5's program Addison is enrolled in for next fall. If there is one thing I hate about parent meetings, it is the "icebreaker" exercise imposed by the parent educator. I like it in theory but I get extremely anxious when I am in a group circle waiting for my turn to speak. Speaking in front of large groups makes me nervous and waiting a turn knowing I have to do so makes me even more nervous. Anyway, our icebreaker question of the night was to tell the group one thing you never expected you would do as a parent. The first thing that popped into my mind was having to force feed my kid candy or bacon. I would have to explain why and that it was related to diabetes. Then I thought "I don't want to say that! I don't want to talk about diabetes at all! Think of something else!" But the more I tried to come up with something else to say, the more I couldn't think of anything else to say and by the time my turn came around that is what I said and I felt ridiculous. Like some alien force had taken over my brain and mouth and made me say it. As soon as it came out, I felt completely disappointed in myself and I had a thought "Videos! I never thought I would put my son in front of a video so I could get something done." Nice. Now I think of it.  I had that same feeling I had back in the early days when I would ramble on about diabetes while an acquaintance gave me a pitying look. Afterwards I would wonder why on earth I said what I said. Diabetes Tourettes.

Like everything with diabetes, sometimes you feel the master of it and other times you feel completely at its mercy.


9 comments:

Julie L said...

Completely understand and I have it too!!

Joanne said...

Bahahahaha! What a perfect description. I used to be the same way and these days I hardly mention it.

shannon said...

dude, yes! i was just talking about this in another blog comment. it's all encompassing to the point where it's difficult to extract yourself from its clutches. and once you feel you have, to have it surprise you by popping back up, jeez!

muffinmoon said...

You are NOT ALONE in this!!! Oh, it visits me often, even now. Just allow it and don't worry much about it. It is surely such abuge part of who we are as D-parents that trying to stress about it too much is self-defeating. If anyone you talk to feels uncomfortable it's probably only that they are feeling glad it's not them dealing with it all. xx

thisiscaleb said...

I have so been there. I sometimes just stop myself mid sentence. It doesn't even matter to the person that's barely listening anyway! Hugs.

Kristin said...

Brilliant term - that's it! I bet the other parents didn't even perceive it that way - they hear it once and are done, while we have it in our heads all the time. Thanks for putting the phenomenon into words - you captured it exactly.

Sarah said...

oh man, I've been there - darn those moments where we feel like all we do is d care, then a fog lifts and we realize once again that it isn't the central focus. Sorry about your bout of "d tourettes", but I am glad to know it is coming on less often. :)

Meri said...

Brilliant description! My case ebbs and flows! Hugs to you!!

Shannon@ The New Normal Life said...

Girl I just found this and all I can say is Ditto.. i just went to a party to meet new neighbors and I threw up all over them about diabetes.. I was so embarressed.. I just couldnt shut up.. every time I tried they would say something else inaccurate or ask a question.. I couldnt get away from it... It kept going and going and going!!