Diabetes Tourettes

When Addison was first diagnosed, I developed a horrible case of what I like to call Diabetes Tourettes. Instead of opening my mouth and spilling out an uncontrollable stream of epithets and swear words, I would start spewing all things diabetes. A simple inquiry of "How have you been?" was answered with complicated information about Addison's diagnosis, what his blood sugar was at that moment, a bit about calculating insulin doses and maybe some carb counting. I couldn't help myself. Things just came out of my mouth. As time wore on and this whole diabetes thing became more of a "normal" part of our lives, my Diabetes Tourettes wore off. Now when people ask me "How have you been" I hardly ever mention diabetes.

Something happened though a couple of weeks ago and I still keep thinking about it. Mostly because I feel embarrassed. It was a return of the DT and even though I tried to stop myself,it forced its way out of my mouth. I had a parent meeting with a new group of families for the 5's program Addison is enrolled in for next fall. If there is one thing I hate about parent meetings, it is the "icebreaker" exercise imposed by the parent educator. I like it in theory but I get extremely anxious when I am in a group circle waiting for my turn to speak. Speaking in front of large groups makes me nervous and waiting a turn knowing I have to do so makes me even more nervous. Anyway, our icebreaker question of the night was to tell the group one thing you never expected you would do as a parent. The first thing that popped into my mind was having to force feed my kid candy or bacon. I would have to explain why and that it was related to diabetes. Then I thought "I don't want to say that! I don't want to talk about diabetes at all! Think of something else!" But the more I tried to come up with something else to say, the more I couldn't think of anything else to say and by the time my turn came around that is what I said and I felt ridiculous. Like some alien force had taken over my brain and mouth and made me say it. As soon as it came out, I felt completely disappointed in myself and I had a thought "Videos! I never thought I would put my son in front of a video so I could get something done." Nice. Now I think of it.  I had that same feeling I had back in the early days when I would ramble on about diabetes while an acquaintance gave me a pitying look. Afterwards I would wonder why on earth I said what I said. Diabetes Tourettes.

Like everything with diabetes, sometimes you feel the master of it and other times you feel completely at its mercy.