We were having a lovely morning. First stop was a visit with Santa. Delightful. Second stop a 10am showing of The Muppets downtown for Disney employees and their families (yes, my husband works for Disney!). The Muppet Movie was...delightful! Third stop, the cafe in Pike Place Market that Addison lovingly refers to as "Breakfast Anytime" even though that is not its real name. Delight....suddenly the world turned dark. I looked across the table and listened to Addison as I watched the expression on his face change from delight to the great shadow of worry.
What's wrong Pook? When I die, will it be a blank screen? I don't want to die and have it be a blank screen! Then there was lip quivering and there were tears. From me and from him! I don't know where it came from but out of the blue there it was. My husband and I assured him that when he died it would certainly not be a blank screen. He asked -
How do you know??! How do you know for sure? I am glad my husband was there. Between the two of us I think we cobbled together some calming words. My husband explained that everyone's death was special and unique just like their birth. What happened after a person died was unique to each person. I told Addison that everyone has a life energy that goes back into something else when they die but we couldn't really predict what that would be.
Could my life energy come back in another person? Absolutely! Then that is would I would do. I would put my life energy back into my body and come back as me. When my life energy comes back a second time, I don't want to have diabetes. There I was at Breakfast Anytime, happy to be seated in a discreet part of the room so I didn't get too many stares as the tears streamed down my face. Addison doesn't talk about his diabetes too much so to hear him say this just really made my heart ache. I haven't cried about diabetes in a loooooooong time. Maybe, just like Addison, I put on my brave face most days but that wish to make this disease go away and the worry about what could go wrong is always there.
5 comments:
oh poor sweet boy! reading this made me cry too. I hate how diabetes is like a slap in the face from the emotional side sometimes. HUGS to you
Hugs. I hate that our little ones have questions like that. Just recently, Adam asked me out of the blue if there was no insulin left in the world, would he die? Ugh. I love how you guys answered, though. I'll have to remember that. :)
Oh fuck. (Sorry to swear but that's my honest reaction, english accented too!). Those conversations are hard, hard, hard. And most especially coming after the sweetness of a Disney experience. Blimey, they choose their moments, don't they?! Sounds like Chris did a great job, I will be quoting him when thee questions arise in my life. And they will.
Love and huge hugs to you all. xxx
oye, glad you were there with the Hubby to talk about this deep topic. Your Addison is quite the thinker. Hope your holidays are off to a terrific start!
wow, what a heavy experience. i'm so glad you were there as a family to deal with it and i love your responses.
when my daughter was 10 she told me she would probably adopt because she didn't want her baby to possibly grow up and have diabetes. it was heartbreaking in a similar way.
thanks for sharing your story. <3
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