365: 288 Navigating Preschool

I haven't been here because I have been out there trying to adjust to our new schedule and preschool. To say that Addison loves his preschool and his teacher is a gross understatement. I have been absolutely amazed at his ability to jump right in, participate and be part of his new community. As I may have mentioned before, his preschool is a cooperative so parents have to be there in working capacity one day a week and can be there as much or as little as they like the rest of the time. It has been an awkward period for me. As much as Addison seems to have found his place here, I find myself on the periphery. All the other parents have been wonderful and welcoming and the teacher has told us he is happy we are there but I have felt like a hovering, helicoptering parent to my son. I have felt like the sore thumb sticking out as I constantly check his glucose monitor and prick his fingers during class. I never felt like I quite fit in at school when I was younger and I am having flashbacks for sure of feeling like an outsider at school.

Addison does not want to miss out on any of the action so sometimes I saddle up to him in circle time, meter in hand, to check him while he listens to the teacher. He doesn't seem to mind but I can't help feeling like I am interrupting class. We have been having trouble with lows..first in the mornings and this past week in the afternoons. We also had a failed sensor that was replaced in the morning before we went to school one day. Last tuesday was a doozy. Tuesday is his pre-k day and there are only 8 kids in the class. They start their day by all having lunch together with their teacher. It is a beautiful thing. A communal meal to talk and eat together. All the other kids bring their lunch boxes over and eat what they want and then start class. The week before, I packed a few things for Addison and all he ate was his edamame which had practically no carbs. He was low an hour later. SO, this week he was running low before class so I gave him some banana without coverage so I could give him space at the lunch table. Again, he only ate his edamame but I felt ok about it since he had the banana. It turned out he needed more to eat because he went low an hour or so later. Here is the thing -as a parent of a T1 child A+B may = C today but it probably won't tomorrow. There is no formula I can follow that will give me a consistent outcome. Something the casual observer won't understand. I HATE being that parent that hovers over their almost 5 year old making sure they eat some carbs!! Then again, I might be hovering tomorrow to make sure that he DOESN'T eat any carbs because of a high. Yup. Then, Addison's sensor beeped in the middle of circle time to let me know I needed to enter 2 start up blood sugars. Since there are only 8 kids in the class on tuesday, there was no way to be inconspicuous and I didn't want to take Addison out of circle time so I sat next to him with meter ready to check. The teacher stopped what he was doing and put the spotlight on Addison to ask him what we were doing and to talk about it. I was glad to be given the opportunity for Addison to talk about what we were doing but at the same time I just wanted to get in and get out as quietly as I could!  I never want Addison to feel like he has to hide taking care of himself but I don't want him to feel like a spectacle either. His teacher did a great job of asking questions and letting Addison talk and certainly didn't make it feel like a spectacle. I just have been feeling extra sensitive at school about everything! After their PE time, he had a low which coincided with needing to use the restroom so I quietly whisked him off to potty and down a juice box. At the end of the 2.5 hour class, he was sitting next to his teacher who was reading his (long) entry about having a visit with "Love Cat" (every child gets to take the stuffed animal Love Cat home for a week and then contribute something creative about their visit in a binder). Dexie vibrated and beeped while he was up there. Hardly anyone seemed to notice it.  Class was almost over so I did not interrupt what they were doing. Addison was SO happy to be up there. It would have really stunk to have to pull him away from it. I waited a few seconds until they finished and then checked Addison on our way out. He was 75. Not too bad but considering the arrow down, in need of a boost.

I left school that day feeling deflated. I hate hovering. I hate interrupting Addison. I hate always having one part of my brain thinking about my next D-move. I struggle with worrying about what others think when they look in on my parenting of Addison as I hover and check and yet  there is  another voice in my head that puffs out its chest, stands proud and says I do this to keep my son safe and I don't give a crap if you get it or not! 

I sent out a letter to the parents at school asking for volunteers to help with Addison's care on they days I don't work. I got so many warm responses and feel like I have a willing army ready to be trained - which is amazing! We will set up some training sessions after the holiday. This will be a big deal for me, this training a group of parents to watch over my child while I am not there. Days like Tuesday make me wonder how it can even be possible! In the meantime, I will try and get more comfortable in the classroom and keep on trying to keep that worrying voice in my head at bay so I can stand tall and do what I need to do without feeling self-conscious.